March 6, 2015

I-Mei asked if I had any thoughts today. I guessed she meant any thoughts about my mum. It’s been a year since she left us. My first response was, “People die and life goes on.”

She said, “That’s the hard truth.”

A year. Wow! It goes quickly.

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It’s funny that a few days before I came to the end of what was probably my personal grieving cycle. An incredible time of really feeling the depth and width of my emotions. A time which included physical ailments. I’d read that negativity festers in your midsection presenting itself as illness. Could that be true? So I cried, withdrew, projected my unhappiness on a few people, dug deep, said what I normally wouldn’t have , most honestly, to some who don’t want honesty. I procrastinated. (I may even have paid my phone bill late once or twice)I demanded answers. Apologies. Change. ¬†There were tears and anger and a lot of cloudy days.

And then it cleared.

What remains is that I miss her.

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What remains is the fact that it goes quickly. Heck , it’s March and I’m still feeling like it’s January. And Sarah came home for three months, Christmas came and went, New Year, Chinese New Year, Ming’s been married for three months, this…and that…

You’re thirty three, then fifty two, then eighty five.

Grieving and healing and letting go, feeling the depth and width, it means you’re alive. And then you’re not. And it goes on. Really quickly.

 

 

 

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